Ally N. Invasion

  Ally N. Invasion

  SPACE SPY

  STEVE LILL

  ILLUSTRATED BY PAUL WINWARD

  Copyright © 2014 Steve Lill, illustrated by Paul Winward

  The moral right of the author has been asserted.

  Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this publication may only be reproduced, stored or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of reprographic reproduction in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside those terms should be sent to the publishers.

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  ISBN 978 1783066 001

  British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data.

  A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

  Matador is an imprint of Troubador Publishing Ltd

  Steve Lill had lots of different jobs before becoming a writer. He has been an astronaut, a fossil-hunter, a rock star and Prime Minister of a small country. He also loves making things up. He is the world’s leading expert at losing things. Steve has a special message for all his readers: ‘Have you seen my glasses anywhere?’

  For my two wonderful daughters

  Kreel hunters enjoying a day in the swamp

  PROLOGUE

  TAAR EPSILON 4,

  SPACE FLEET BASE

  As the sound of his flipsteps echoed against the high, midnight blue walls of the corridor, Agent 47/23 wondered what his next mission might be. He had only just returned from flushing out the enemy spies on his own home planet and his antennae were still a bit bent. He remembered the final fight and knew they wouldn’t be tangling with him again in a hurry! Pushing at the double doors with both upper-body gripping appendages, 47/23 walked into the Central Control room to face his superior, Agent 58/24.

  ‘Well done, Slash,’ he began. Agent 47/23 tightened all his lips: he hated it when the boss just used his middle name. ‘The mission was a complete success. All objectives achieved.’

  ‘Thank you sir,’ 47/23 began. ‘Once I’d discovered that they all hated cheese on their popcorn, it was an easy job to finish them off.’ He so loved defeating spies.

  ‘You’re too modest, 47/23. We all recognise that you are our best agent. Which is why we have something very special for you next.’

  47/23 was intrigued. His imagination began flashing thoughts into one of his brains. Paragliding into a dense jungle full of deadly creatures and spies, diving into a deep ocean full of deadly creatures and spies or perhaps a holiday on a hot beach full of deadly creatures and spies. Maybe the holiday: I’m due a break, he thought to himself with his other brain.

  ‘You may already know,’ interrupted the commander, ‘that we are planning an invasion of another planet. This time, however, we know very little about our target. We are therefore sending you to gather as much information as you can before we launch the Space Fleet.’

  47/23’s minds were racing. Where could it be? Had he heard of it, and did they have deadly creatures to keep him busy? Oh, and spies. Wouldn’t be any fun without spies.

  ‘Earth.’

  47/23 snapped his attention back to the serious face now staring at him. ‘Sorry, sir, I didn’t quite hear that. Did you just say Earth?’

  ‘I did.’ The serious face showed no hint of emotion.

  ‘But… everyone knows Earth is a hideous place! They have such terrible weather!’

  ‘We know nothing of the sort. In fact, we have almost no information at all. That is why we need our top operative on the ground to prepare the way for the invasion.’

  47/23 shuffled on the spot, his flippers leaving faint, wet marks on the polished floor.

  ‘Of course, you will be in disguise. You will have to fit in with the Earthlings so they do not become suspicious. Read this.’

  58/24 slid a reader across the table. There was very little to take in. Earth was a mostly wet planet with a few dry bits to stand on. The ruling creatures were very tall and usually covered their bodies with pieces of cloth. They made a lot of noise. They may or may not be intelligent. That seemed to be all that anyone knew about the planet and its inhabitants.

  ‘You will have noticed the part about Earthlings being very tall.’

  ‘Just means they fall harder when I take them out, sir.’

  ‘NO!’ A tight upper-body gripping appendage slammed against the table. ‘There is to be no ’taking out’ in this mission. You must go secretly to Earth and send us the information we need.’

  Some of 47/23’s lips began to pout. This was going to be no fun at all.

  ‘Because of their height, and because of your, er, lack of it, we have designed a very special disguise for you. Remember to keep it on at all times when you are around Earthlings. Choose a suitable name that won’t draw attention to yourself. We can’t risk our plans being discovered before the Space Fleet arrives to enslave them all.’

  ‘You can rely on me, sir.’ A thought jumped into one brain, fell into the other and turned itself into a question. ‘Do they have any deadly creatures or spies on Earth, sir?’

  ‘That is for you to find out. Now get packing. You leave at half past sixty-three.’

  CHAPTER 1

  WRITING

  ‘Say hello to Ally, everyone,’ smiled Miss Frinkley. ‘I’m sure you’ll all make him feel welcome in our class.’

  ‘Hello Ally,’ grumbled a few voices. Mostly, the children simply stared at the new boy. Josh tried to spread himself to cover more of his group’s table, hoping to discourage Miss Frinkley from sitting the newcomer by him.

  ‘Get up, Josh, and let Ally sit by you.’ She turned towards Ally, ‘If you need anything, Josh will show you where it is.’

  Josh looked at Ally. Ally looked at Josh. Josh began to feel uncomfortable with the way the new boy was leaning his head over.

  ‘Who do you support?’ Josh asked to break the mood.

  ‘I am loyal only to the Supreme Council and the commanders of the Space Fleet.’

  Josh’s eyes, nose and mouth wrinkled together.

  ‘I mean Manchester Untied,’ Ally added. He paused for a moment as one brain sent an urgent message to the other. ‘United.’

  ‘Don’t talk too loud; Miss Frinkley hates football,’ Josh said, quietly. He rummaged around in his pencil case. ‘Here.’ He passed Ally a pen.

  ‘An ink-filled plastic tube. What am I to do with it?’ Ally asked.

  ‘She’ll tell us in a minute; listen.’

  Ally rotated his head slowly around so that the sound receptors on each side were aimed at the teacher.

  ‘Now, class,’ she began, ‘I want you all to write me a description of your pet. If you don’t have a pet yourself, you can write about your favourite animal.’

  ‘What does the tall woman mean by a ‘pet’?’ Ally wanted to be certain he had the Success Criteria of this mission clear before he began.

  ‘You know; an animal that you have at home and you look after it.’ Josh wondered why Ally was still looking confused. ‘I’ve got a dog called Brewster.’

  ‘Is it a deadly creature?’ Ally seemed to be very interested now.

  ‘No, it’s a terrier.’ Josh bent his head to his work and started writing.

  Ally heard a voice from the far side of the room. ‘Remember to use lots of adjectives, ad
verbs and alliteration.’

  Ah, he thought, now the mission objectives are explained, I shall set about producing a written text detailing the characteristics of the Kreel-hunters that live by the Space Fleet base. That should satisfy the tall woman and at the same time I will blend in with the small Earthlings, keeping my true identity secret.

  My Pet

  On the south side of the Silver Sea live the sinister, stealthy Kreel-hunters of Taar. They mercilessly rip their prey to shreds using fifty fangs and steel-hard claws. Blood drips endlessly from their mouths like red fountains of horror. Twenty black, piercing, hateful eyes scour the land searching for anything that might be stalked, slaughtered and eaten. Vast wings of leather beat against the wind and venom glands by their nostrils create clouds of poisonous fumes, overcoming even the largest of their enemies. I have one as a pet. He is called Brewster.

  Laurence Bell is shown how to use a pen correctly

  Report 1: Successful infiltration

  Agent 47/23 to Agent 58/24

  I have successfully infiltrated a training camp for young Earthlings known by the codename ‘Castle Street Primary School’. I have placed myself in a unit called ‘6GF’ to observe their methods and tactics. I shall try to become friends with chosen members of this unit and find out as many secrets as possible. At the moment I would say that they are unaware of our planned invasion as they are spending most of their time practising the correct use of ink-filled plastic tubes. Whether these are, in fact, a type of weapon remains to be seen. The small Earthling known as Laurence Bell is quite skilful at launching his at other Earthlings but the tall female unit leader usually tells him that he has acted incorrectly. I think she wants him to improve his aim.

  During a mission in 6GF, I have gathered information on several types of deadly creature. One of the most fearsome is called a ‘bunny’. From what I have heard, they have enormous teeth and can eat their way through wooden structures. They are given code identifications such as ‘Cuddles’, ‘Hoppy’ and other names designed to strike fear in the hearts of the Earthlings’ enemies. They also describe a truly terrifying animal called a ‘kitten’. The details were not clear but I think they are about seventeen metres high with four sets of claws which can tear through steel. This creature is capable of hypnotising Earthlings by making them watch their activities endlessly using a device known as a ‘ball of wool’. Whilst watching the kittens in action, Earthlings are incapable of performing any other action. I believe we should deploy as many ‘kittens’ as we can as a part of the invasion force.

  CHAPTER 2

  SCIENCE

  ‘Today, children, we will be learning about the Moon and the Sun. Can anyone tell me how many days make a year?’ Miss Frinkley raised her eyebrows with a look that said, ‘Please let someone know the answer.’

  Ally’s hand was raised confidently, ’Seven thousand, four hundred and ninety six.’

  ‘That’s a little on the high side, Ally,’ she smiled.

  ‘I’m sorry, Commander Freakley, but I believe you will find that I am quite accurate with my answer.’

  The teacher’s smile faded a little. ‘It’s actually three hundred and sixty five or three hundred and sixty six.’

  ‘Are you not sure?’ Giggles began to break out around the class.

  Miss Frinkley was eventually forced to admit that it did seem a little strange for a planet not to have a fixed year, but there we are. She continued with the next topic.

  ‘Many years ago the Americans sent rockets to the Moon and astronauts actually walked on the surface, exploring and collecting Moon rocks.’

  Ally sat up a little straighter. This could be valuable information about the Earthlings’ spaceships. ‘How long did it take them to travel to the Moon?’

  ‘About three days, altogether.’

  Ally spluttered with laughter. ‘Three days? Are you sure? Three hours seems a more believable answer. I have one more question; how many laser cannons were fitted to this spaceship?’

  ‘I don’t think they had any weapons on board, Ally. They simply went to put up a flag and drive around for a bit in their moon-buggy.’

  Ally narrowed his eyes in thought. If the Earthlings had conquered a nearby planet without using any laser cannons or disintegrator rays, what might happen when the Space Fleet arrived?

  Miss Frinkley began handing out balloons from a packet to the class. These were to be inflated (‘Not too much, everyone, unless you’re making Jupiter.’), covered in strips of gluey newspaper then painted to make a model of the Solar System.

  Ally was eager for the model to be finished. If the Space Fleet could hide behind Jupiter until the right moment, then the invasion would be more likely to succeed. It all depended on how far Jupiter was from Earth.

  When all the planets had dried, Miss Frinkley took the class out on to the middle of the playing field. ‘Josh, you stand here with the Sun and the rest of us will spread out with the planets.’

  Hannah, being Mercury, was placed five paces away from Josh. Rose held Venus a few more steps further out. Ally had insisted on holding Jupiter. (‘I have my reasons, Commander Freakley’). Soon a number of other children had found their positions around the field. Laurence was told to be Pluto and was almost out of sight, down by the car park. Ally took careful note of the positions of each planet, paying particular attention to Alice who was holding the Earth over by the goalposts.

  It was time to try out his theory. Ally slipped his right gripping appendage into his pocket, took out a small device, pointed it towards Alice and pressed a button. Alice’s model gave a loud ‘pop’ and exploded into a cloud of newspaper shreds.

  Several things happened at once:

  Hannah dropped Venus and ran over to Alice.

  Miss Frinkley turned at the sound and stopped trying to get Pluto down from a tree.

  Josh looked straight at Ally with narrowed eyes.

  Ally raised a satisfied smile.

  6GF Space Quiz

  Have a go and show what you know!

  Q1. How many planets are there?

  At the last count, our astronomers have identified over three million. There may be more.

  Q2. Which is the largest planet?

  Taar Epsilon 6. But if you include the rings, Taar Epsilon 9

  Q3. How long does it take the Earth to orbit once around the Sun?

  No-one seems to be quite sure about this.

  Q4. Why does the Moon seem to change shape?

  The American astronauts are taking pieces of it home with them.

  Q5. What have you learned today?

  That the Earth explodes quite easily.

  Report 2: Earthling’s spaceships

  Agent 47/23 to Agent 58/24

  I have a plan. When the Space Fleet is despatched to Earth instruct the commander to hide behind the planet Jupiter. From tests I carried out in the field, I have discovered that this planet is approximately twenty five metres away from Earth. It would be an easy matter for the Space Fleet to pop out from Jupiter and take the Earthlings by surprise.

  Earth spaceships are slow, simple and unarmed. Nevertheless, the Earthlings have already conquered one other nearby planet. If allowed to continue in this way, they may one day pose a threat to our own great Space Empire. I suggest we send at least seventy-five of our largest craft. Do not forget to fill them with kittens.

  There is only one star in this solar system. This might prove to be a problem when we invade as there are regular periods of darkness around the whole planet which they call ‘night time’. During these times most of the Earthlings stop functioning properly and ‘sleep’. Although this would seem be a good time to invade, I feel our forces would be more likely to bump into things without enough light to see by. Bring torches.

  CHAPTER 3

  DESIGN TECHNOLOGY

  Ally and Josh were busy. Tail fins needed to be glued on. A nose cone was being fashioned from a bubblegum icecream container. A camera holder had to be attached with sti
cky tape. To be perfectly honest, Josh was doing all the actual construction. He had followed Ally’s plans as closely as he could. He’d had to leave out the laser cannon and the attachment for the Planet-Smasher bombs but otherwise the water rocket was nearing completion. Ally’s job was to decide on a new name for the rocket as Josh wasn’t happy with ‘Kitten Warriors Deployment Vehicle’, ‘Attack of the Space Kittens’ or even ‘The Kittenator’.

  ‘What is it with you and kittens?’ Josh asked.

  ‘I have chosen the new designation for our spacecraft,’ Ally replied, ‘It will be known as the Ally N. Invasion Mothership.’

  ‘That’s funny!’ said Josh, smiling.

  ‘I fail to see anything amusing about my true and ordinary name.’

  ‘Oh, forget it.’

  Miss Frinkley interrupted matters with a reminder that there were only fifteen minutes left before the class were to take their water rockets outside to launch. ‘We’ll give everyone a go at launching their rockets and whoever’s flies the furthest will have a second flight with my micro-camera attached,’ she continued.

  Frenzied activity erupted around the room. Tail fins, nose cones, camera holders, kitten feeders (only one model had one of those) were fitted. Miss Frinkley handed out the special valves to fit into the necks of the plastic bottles that formed the bodies of the rockets.

  6GF carried their rockets out to the field and, one by one, took turns to launch them using the school’s football pump to build up the pressure inside the partially water-filled models.

  ‘I’ve been watching,’ Josh whispered to Ally. ‘If you fill it about a third full, it goes further.’

  ‘The amount of water in the water rocket will not be of any concern to us,’ Ally said.

  The tests continued. Hannah and Alice’s rocket had travelled twenty-six metres and was by far the most successful. Laurence’s rocket had travelled five metres and then been promptly stamped upon by its owner. Robbie’s rocket (called ‘Robbis Roket’) had exploded on the launch pad, showering him and his partner with a full load of water-fuel.